Perfect

This weekend was a hard one. On the surface, it wasn’t much different to many of the other weekend’s that Stacey and I have enjoyed – a fairly busy Saturday, filled with cleaning the flat before heading out to meet two friends, and then a day of food and DIY and crap TV on Sunday. Sounds innocuous, right? But thinking of writing about this weekend (along with reading the comments on a few of my favourite blogs) made me feel uncomfortable – and here’s why.

Whilst the above does describe our weekend, it’s also leaving something fairly important out – something which I think that most bloggers would keep to themselves when creating a new post. On Sunday, Stacey and I had a fight. Not a big one, and certainly not over something particularly important – but a fight which coloured Sunday afternoon for us. And I couldn’t write about my weekend honestly without mentioning that it had happened.

Stacey and I in Glasgow
We blog about ‘fun things’ – like going to visit friends in Glasgow, but not about when we get annoyed at each other, and sulk.

When Stace and I blog, there’s often a focus on the ‘good things’. Sometimes in the week, I’ll find myself thinking about what plans I need to make for the weekend – all the time thinking to myself – ‘Will I be able to blog about it? Will other people find it interesting?’. I love this blog – I love the friends we’ve made and met, I love reading other people’s accounts of their lives, their weekends. But how often do you see anyone write ‘This weekend was shit. We had a major row, I got horribly drunk and we both ended the night in tears. Horrible hangover the next day.”? You don’t; it’s just not done.

I guess what I’m saying is that whilst this blog, this linear timeline of our lives and our time together is wonderful, and compelling and comforting, it is not a reflection of our whole lives. There are things which happen that we don’t blog about, and things which we should blog about but we don’t. I love this girl that I live with – I’m committed to her, and I don’t know where I’d be without her – but that doesn’t mean that we’re perfect.

Carley and Stacey at the Royal Edinburgh Botanic Gardens

Our lives, our relationship – neither are perfect. Sometimes we bicker – I get frustrated that Stacey is permanently attached to her phone, and she thinks I’m boring when I lose myself in a good book. We don’t always agree on what to watch on TV, and we come at many things from completely different angles which means we frequently bump heads.  Stacey can’t stand being late – I struggle to be on time to anything. We’re both stubborn, and easily frustrated – it shouldn’t be surprising that sometimes we don’t agree, and sometimes we fight.

No relationship is easy – and ours certainly isn’t. We have to work at communicating effectively, we still need help understanding each other’s moods and sometimes, I just get stressed out and take it out on my girlfriend. And you know what – that’s okay. I love this girl a whole lot more than I ever thought possible, but living together and being grown-ups who pay council tax and have full time jobs and still loving each other? That’s not easy, and I don’t want anyone to think that it is.

Carley and Stacey in Edinburgh during festival 2010
I love this girl in a completely different way to how I felt two years ago, when this picture was taken.

And yet, there does seem to be some kind of pressure to create an image of a perfect bubble around our relationship within the blogosphere. There are blogs where the children are always cute and never messy or rude, where a couple’s marriage takes no work, where no-one ever swears, or gets drunk, or makes a mistake. There’s a pressure to conform – prove that our relationship is better than someone else’s, or that we’re extra special because we have each other. I struggle with this, a lot.

 Our relationship is a continual work-in-progress – and I’m so happy about that, because I never want to reach a point where I can’t love this girl any more than I already do. And I want everyone who reads this blog to know that we are not perfect, and that this relationship does take work, and yes – there are things we just don’t write about because it’s hard to admit that you’ve been fighting with the person you love most. But I never want to pretend that we don’t have to work together everyday to make our relationship stronger – because anything else is a lie.

Calrey and Stacey - 2009
And I can’t believe that this photo was taken in 2009, and that nearly three years later, our lives are so different, and yet we are each other’s constant.

I am not perfect; neither is Stacey – but we love each other, and that is what holds us together on days when we do get frustrated with each other.

Carley

1 Comment

  1. […] the fact that I refuse to pretend that the life that Stacey and I have is anywhere approaching perfect. I’ve also tried to write about some of the things which I have found really hard about our […]

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