Where have the last six months gone, eh? Those of you who are familiar with us and our story will know that this blog started out as a document of what could possibly our last six months of living together. Now, half a year has passed and this seems like a good time to give you all another update.
Before I get too bogged down in anything, I just want to take this opportunity to talk about how this blog has been for me. I know I don’t post nearly as often as Carley does, and I feel that my thoughts and feelings (particularly with regard to our relationship) get left by the wayside sometimes. As hinted to above, the time has just passed me by. I’ve done so much in the last six months, both with Carley, and in my own right, and I feel like this blog has sort of spurred us on.
I’m really happy though – I managed to get through the first year of my degree, and that’s something I was quite apprehensive about, in all honesty. I didn’t have the best time at St. Andrews – academically speaking, anyway – and I was keen to ensure I didn’t make the same mistakes twice. I’d say I was pretty successful: I passed my first year comfortably, and I’m a little bit closer to becoming a lawyer of some sort – the first thing I’ve really wanted for myself in a long time. I re-read a post from my own blog waaay back in February 2011, and I still feel the same level of excitement about the law as I expressed then. It’s a really good feeling for me.
It’s not just that though: Carley and I are in a really good place. Sure, as she talked about not that long ago, we are far from perfect, but I’d like to say that things are better than they’ve ever been between us. We’ll have been together (on and off) for three years soon, longer than any of our previous relationships – considerably so in my case, and I know this is maybe a bit forward of me, but I’m completely in love with her – Carley is one of the best things that has happened to me. Sometimes it’s been really bloody difficult, and we’ve been on the brink of being completely over a handful of times, but now, all of that feels so long ago. Things are just … right. You know?
We’ve crammed a hell of a lot into this half year, too. Between numerous trips to St. Andrews, date nights, weekends at Prestonfield House and at Center Parcs, seeing Celtic on the last day of the season, and going to World Pride in London – to name but a few things – I really feel like this is what my twenties are supposed to be like. Of course, I’ve got a decent job, a lovely flat, and I know what I want to do with my life, but christ, I’ve got my girl, and she loves me back (that’s the best bit) and we do exciting, fun things together. I feel like I’m gushing a bit, but I’m just really happy. There’s no other way to explain it.
I know that for a good while, Carley wasn’t exactly content at work, and was taking steps toward a re-location to London. This is/was something that causes me a considerable amount of anxiety, being perfectly honest. I don’t want to be without Carley – she’s my girlfriend, and the most important person in my life, along with my family. I worry about how I’d be able to live up here on my own – I don’t want to move out of this flat – would I be able to get a room mate? Do I even want one? I worry about the dynamics of our relationship: how would we cope with going from living together to a long distance relationship? And of course, there’s “The Big One”: insecurity – what if Carley finds someone more fun and better looking than me?
Carley does very well to ease my fears, and deep down, I know that we’d be more than ok if Carley did move down to London. I am also very understanding of how she feels – I don’t want her to mosey through work totally unsatisfied, and I know that I have it quite easy in terms of how close I am to pretty much all of my family. I don’t want to be that arsehole girlfriend that gets in the way of anything, you know? I just want my girl to be happy – and if that means her being in London, then we’ll just have to work it out in whatever way we can.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that this blog has always been a bit bitter-sweet for me. Yes, on one hand, we’re doing loads of great stuff, and we’ve met some wonderful people as a result of this, but on the other, I’ve never really been able to shake the reminder that this blog started life as a documentation of what might be the end of our time together in Edinburgh.
However, it is at this point that I would like to break the news to you all – Carley and I re-signed our lease! We’re going to be in this flat for another six months, together. Of course, I’d have preferred to sign another year, but it’s a good time frame in that it allows Carley to re-evaluate her work situation towards the end of this year – hopefully she’ll be able to make some concrete decisions; there’s nothing worse than being in limbo, particularly where jobs are concerned.
So, we’ve now got a mental August to get through – we’ve currently got 15 festival shows in the diary, my aunt and uncle are coming to visit, and it’s Carley’s birthday this month. On top of all that, my parents are going to met Carley’s mum and step-dad for the first time. (It’s safe to say I am totally crapping my pants about this one – what if they don’t get on!? Urgh, I need to stop thinking about it …) We’ve also booked a trip to Barcelona for the start of September, and I go back to university the week after that. The summer will be over in the blink of an eye, I reckon!
In light of all this, I suppose I’ll have to edit and update the blog header, and make some changes to our “About Us” page!
Anyway, I hope you’ve enjoyed this intense, heartfelt, deep-and-meaningful ramble of an update. It’s been quite hard to write – I automatically want to censor myself when I start talking about feelings and stuff, but hopefully you can all tell that I’ve just opened myself up and let it all out.
Here’s to another six months of blogging with my girlfriend – I can’t wait!Stacey