The Pitfalls Of Being A Lesbian Blogger

A Summer Full Of Peaches: The Pitfalls Of Being A Lesbian Blogger

A year and a bit ago, Stacey and I set up this blog because we wanted a way to document what we thought could be the last six months we’d have together. One year, 124 blog posts and a whole lot of hours invested later, not only are we still together, we’re looking to buy a house together, and I have just accepted a new job which will keep me in Edinburgh for the more-than-foreseeable future. A Summer Full Of Peaches: The Pitfalls Of Being A Lesbian BloggerI have written before about the fact that I refuse to pretend that the life that Stacey and I have is anywhere approaching perfect. I’ve also tried to write about some of the things which I have found really hard about our lives; from when I was signed off work for stress and bereavement right through to the frustration I felt when my phone, laptop and glasses all broke within just a week of one another. I’m going to be honest here; sometimes, our lives are really hard. Stacey has a full-time job which pays a relatively low wage, whilst also going to class two nights a week in order to get her LLB. She still has another two years of study before she graduates, at which point she will still need to complete a Diploma (a 9 month course which can cost up to about £8,000 and is the same hours as a full time job) before starting a two year trainee-ship. She will be 28 by the time she can get her first full time graduate job; I will be 30.

I’m incredibly lucky in that I have a good job which I really enjoy, and in an industry which is growing. I said to a family friend recently that I couldn’t imagine ever doing anything different in terms of my job now; when I look to my future, I can see that my career stretches out in front of me, an exciting and ever-changing path. That doesn’t always make it any easier for us though; Stacey and I often struggle for money, and trying to save money to buy our own place (let along saving for an engagement or *gulp* a wedding) is difficult, week in, week out.

Carley and I being silly
Not anywhere close to perfect, but still happy.

Sometimes I look at other bloggers online, and I will admit – I am jealous of their lives. It all looks so perfect – stunning holidays in exotic locations across the globe, date nights in amazing restaurants, houses that have been bought and painted and decorated to become a home. (Don’t even get me started on those family bloggers whose updates I read greedily, feeling desperately jealous and yet unable to look away.) Even those long distance couples I follow on Tumblr – I admire their determination in being together, but I’m still sad that they get to spend whole weeks together, uninterrupted by working late or law classes or  being so broke that you can’t even afford ice cream!

Stacey with our wonderful weekend breakfast!
This (tea and breakfast on a Sunday) is often the highlight of my week at the moment.

So it’s hard, trying to work out what to say and what to hold back, when to be honest and when to be deceitful by omission. And it’s even harder, reading the blogs of other people who are part of this online community, whose lives seem like they are so much easier than ours!

Then there’s this other level of insecurity, that because Stace and I live up here in Edinburgh, and because our lives are so crazily manic, that we’re even missing out on being part of that lesbian community that I admire so much. Back when I was a student, I went to the St Andrews LGBT Society almost every week, and I met so many of my friends through the society. Since then, despite the fact that Edinburgh has a perfectly lovely LGBT Society (BLOGS), I’ve felt pretty cut off from the LGBT community because we can’t go out to bars on week nights, and our chat is more likely to revolve around Law Diplomas and online marketing than it is who copped off with who last night. Because of this, I value the online LGBT community so much more, it makes me feel like I am part of something. 

At the St Andrews rectorial drag with the LGBT Society
In my St Andrews LGBT days.

So some days I wake up and I am incredibly glad to be part of this online community of people who support each other through governments trying to decide whether we should be able to get married, or rounds of IVF, or first days at new jobs (my new job starts four weeks tomorrow, which is crazy). Other days I wake up and scroll through my blog reader and feel dismayed that other people are having so much fun, or that their lives are so much more settled than mine, and they’re younger than me too!

And that’s the pitfall of being a lesbian blogger; it’s really hard not to compare yourself, your life and your relationship to that of the other lesbian bloggers that you see around you on the internet. Even though I know that I am doing the right things for me, and for Stacey, and our life together, it’s hard not too look on the other side of the fence and feel like everyone else has it far far greener.

Carley

10 Comment

  1. Great post, and very honest :) I started writing a reply to you here but it transpired to be so long and rambling it would be easier to put it in a blog post! I’ll write how I was going to finish this comment though, which is, you two are obviously very much in love now, in less than perfect circumstances – just imagine how blissful your lives will be when your circumstances change and improve :)
    S xx

    1. Carley says: Reply

      Ha, I know the feeling of writing a blog comment and suddenly realising it’s almost as long as the original post. Thank you so much for this comment though – I hadn’t quite thought of it like that when I was sat feeling sorry for myself this lunchtime. This really is the benefit of sharing your thoughts with the people around you – they can pick you up when you are feeling a bit ‘meh’. xxx

  2. Awww… You two are so so in love…it’s so beautiful…
    To be honest, I don’t think anyone’s life is easy… I think many people just show the happy and good times on their blogs… Xxx

    1. Carley says: Reply

      My favourite blogs are the ones where people talk about the bad days as well as the good ones. That’s not to say I like moany bloggers – optimism is always a plus – but at the end of the day, no one’s life is perfect and I hate seeing blogs where it seems like they never fight with anyone, or have a bad hair day, or have to throw out dinner and buy a Chinese because the recipe they were following completely failed… Okay, maybe the last one was just me, last night! No, I mean, I just value honest bloggers because it’s nice to see that I’m not the only one who gets stressed out on a bad day and wishes they could have someone else’s life instead. Cx

  3. I really APPRECIATE your honesty.. It really lets us into you life and it is a more accurate portrayal than what I see on blogs. I’m not interested in all the good times.. I can pick up a magazine. I am interested in the vulnerability of people’s lives.. how you gals deal with the hard times.. anyone can write about the best times.. it’s harder to write about the difficulties in life..
    thanks again :)!!!

    1. Carley says: Reply

      Thanks for the lovely comment; I just don’t want anyone reading this blog to think that we have this perfect life that’s really easy. I don’t want to become a moany blogger – just an honest one. Cx

  4. Leah says: Reply

    I appreciate the honesty as well! Our lives aren’t nearly as perfect nor as financially stable as some of the couples/families I read about either. I just remember that my/our goals aren’t the same as theirs. You two have already experienced so much together, the bond can only get stronger.

    1. Carley says: Reply

      Thank you. I am trying to remember that we are doing very for FOR US and that comparing ourselves to other people is silly… But it’s still hard not to be jealous when I see other bloggers with all the things I want! Cx

  5. Sharon says: Reply

    Keep it going, girls.

    sharonelizabethwalker@yahoo.com

  6. Gotta be honest here, sometimes it *seems* like other bloggers lives are so glamourous and problem free… but I guarantee they’re going through similar problems.

    And I hear you on being flat broke! 9 years later I’m not just broke… I’m in debt. *sigh* And I look around at all the other people out there who seem so successful and sometimes you just want to throw a rock through their window!! And then I wonder if other people look at me the same way. From the outside it probably looks like I’m doing well… house, kids, car… white picket fence… but on the inside??

    Remember things aren’t always as shiny as they seem. ;)

    And if you’ve got a girl in your life that makes everything else worth while… before too long you’ll be looking back on these days, sipping tea in your brand new home going… wow… look how far we’ve come! :D

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