Confession: when I received the email reminding me that the A Summer Full Of Peaches domain was due for renewal, I thought about ignoring it. Not actively stating that I didn’t want to blog anymore, but instead just letting it lapse, disappear quietly into the ether. It was more than just a passing thought – particularly now that my job as warden in one of the University halls makes me even more aware of what I’m putting out into the internet. And yet, when it came down to it, I couldn’t bring myself to lose all of the words that I (and, of course, Stacey) had committed to this space. I typed my credit card details into the website, and voila – another few years of blog space are confirmed, and so here I am.
‘Here’ is a rather transient concept for me at the moment. Right at this second, I am sitting in first class on a train down to London, to visit family. It was an impulse decision made in the throes of anxiety, due, as ever, to family emergency. But in my head, I am partially present in the hall of residence where I live and look after and counsel a scarily large number of students; the building I left this morning having been presented last night with vomit and lost possessions and boys peeing in places they really shouldn’t be peeing. My mind is also flitting ahead of me to Essex, where family now includes a still-can’t-believe-he’s-here baby cousin and a whole host of worries. In odd moments, it skips back too, to the recent nights I have spent in the home of a good friend, watching Netflix and just playing games with an ease that still surprises me, considering how long (little) I have known these friends.
So yes, my head is all over the place… And yet, despite it all, I am still happy.
I’m going to expand a little on why I haven’t felt much like blogging recently in an upcoming post (look, a commitment to blogging again, without a four month gap in between!) but I think it is the happiness which has been the main reason that I haven’t been present here, in this little space of mine online. I have been out, living my life in the world I have built for myself, and enjoying it. I know it’s not perfect – and I still have days where I find myself absolutely petrified, because I’m 26 and my life plan is basically ‘just wing it and see what happens’ – but right now, it’s good enough.
So this post is just my first step back into the world of writing my thoughts down and publishing them out for other people to see. It feels a little strange, but at the same time, uplifting. Long may it continue.
This post was written on Saturday 11th October.Carley